In case you've been camping out in the wilderness or stationed in Guam for the past several years, I suppose I should tell you a little bit about Ms. Hermione Granger. First of all, her name is pronounced her-MY-uh-nee, not her-my-OH-nee! You can remember where the accent goes because it's on the MY, as in Hermione is MY girl. Not yours, which means don’t even think about it.

Secondly, Hermione is the smartest girl at Hogwarts School of Witchcraft and Wizardry. Way smarter than me, you, or even Harry Potter. She knows a lot about everything, mainly because she reads a lot of books. I also read a ton of books, though mine are mostly sci-fi paperbacks that I pick up at library sales for about $.25 a piece.

Thirdly, I predict that Hermione Granger will one day be headmistress of Hogwarts. If for some reason she doesn’t become headmistress, I predict that she will become one of the greatest witches to ever graduate from Hogwarts. Perhaps she will be referred to as Hermione the Great, which is already what I call her when I’m showing one of my coworkers the picture of her that I have in my Velcro wallet. She truly is the headmistress of my heart.

"OK class, who wants to go out on a date
with Rahul?"